In many ways I should be in good spirits right now, but you know sometimes you just can’t make your mood match the facts. Maybe it’s part of being a girl, or maybe (most likely) I’m just a bit sensitive, but I’m feeling a bit sad today. It’s a mixed bag, and I think I’m just emotionally confused.

The story I’ve been constructing in my head since January is finally starting to take a decent form. I’ve got a good deal of it mapped out, except for names. I really struggle with naming things/places/characters, and have decided that this story absolutely needs to take place in a fantasy world, but not one of a Tolkein-esque nature. And Ankh Morpork has been taken! And considering that my protagonist is so far only known as ‘The Satirist’, I’d say I’m a long way off that Booker Prize. Damn you, Booker Prize!

Yesterday marked my parents’ 34th Wedding Anniversay, an enormous comfort in these often unstable times. My mum deserves a bloody big medal, and I’m sure my dad will make sure she gets one. People are often surprised by the length of time between my parents’ marriage and when they had kids (7 years), but if you ask me, it’s been the key to the success of their marriage. I hope I too enjoy such a long partnership!

My best friend, and housemate of over 4 years has embarked on the trip of a lifetime. I dropped her off at Birmingham International yesterday, where she got on a flight to Dubai, alone! She’s so much braver than I’ll ever be. I’m so excited for her. Dubai for 3 days, then Qatar for a week or so, then on to New Zealand for a tour of both islands before going on to spend just over two months in Australia. Honestly, that lucky, lucky girl. Though if it was me I’d have dragged a companion along and just gone to New Zealand. New FREAKIN Zealand! Had initially been miffed since we’d both wanted to go and I couldn’t afford it, so instead of waiting she just booked her part. However, as I was heaving her enormous backpack out of the boot of my car yesterday, I was so happy for her. Don’t get me wrong, I am jealous, but it’s a good, positive jealous. Until this morning, when I got back to an empty house and….

…realised I’d be spending my day alone. Yes, this is definitely the most selfish reason to feel like an emotional shit-mix. I’m not going to dress it up – I’ve been feeling really shitty about my lack of employment for a good month or so now. Shitty to the point where I will just cry and cry, and have no control over it. It’s sort of amplified by the lack of people here now. Since university finished (first at BA then later at MA), I know exponentially fewer people here in Brum, and it makes it more difficult for me to stay here. My best friend leaving sort of felt like the last straw, and I’ve had to keep reminding myself that once I have a job I’ll feel better, and that in 4 months, after maybe doing some temp work (details to follow) and a badly yearned for holiday, I’ll get to start afresh with The Boy. However, it appears to be the beginning of Spring (yes, I’ve probably just jinxed it). I reckon it’s harder to feel depressed in the Spring, so things might be looking up.

Possible temp work coming up. And I really fucking hope I get it. On Friday morning I had a Hugh Grant-in-Four Weddings style start to my day; I opened my eyes an hour and a half later than intended, to an alarm clock reading 9.52 am, and let out a garbled string of ‘FUUUUUCK! Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!’ Me and Annie had been intending to see our landlord at 9.30, so I rushed into the shower, slap-dashedly scrubbed here and there, then haphazardly ate breakfast. I checked my phone and had received this message :

Hi, it’s Penny from Kate+co recruitment. I have an urgent temporary grad role to run past you! Starting next week. Call me ASAP.

Now, any message with an ASAP will grab my attention, so in a frazzled attempt at grabbing some work, I called her back. I made an appointment to see her that afternoon, and then spent a frantic half hour in our landlord’s office. I went to Solihull, found their office and did lots of typing/computer literacy/basic ‘I’m-not-thick’ tests. Hopefully I’ll have a job offer this time tomorrow, so fingers crossed. It’s shitty hours for the first 3 weeks, but gives me enough time off to still write, and it’s decent pay and casual dress (meaning – wages for just 18 hrs a week don’t have to go on boring office clothes!), and since they want graduates it’ll be mostly people around my age.

Who knows, I might even make some friends…

Oh, and I’m gonna post soon about the possible closure of BBC 6Music, the only radio station I listen to. And I’m really glad Canada beat America =)